It was a lot of deep digging on difficult topics. In many ways, it was like slogging through the mud. And I'm truly grateful for this spiritual work, because it's weekends like these that help me live with more peace, joy, freedom, and abundance in my life.
I'm exhausted right now... it's 1:11am as I write this and while I could wait until morning to write you, I want to share what's on my mind while it's still fresh.
Some might say it's the side we show and the side we don't, but this goes deeper than that... much deeper.
We all have a side to us which is loving, kind, compassionate, generous, and wishes the absolute best for others.
And we also all have a side to us which is destructive, hateful, and wishes ill-will upon others. I'm not talking about anger, frustration, or even rage... I'm talking about that cold, cutting feeling where we wish something just didn't exist... we just wish it were GONE.
Quite frankly, I didn't want to admit that I had this within myself.
After all, if I admit that I have a "bad" or "mean" streak in me, then couldn't I act that out and hurt others? Wouldn't that make me a bad person? Wouldn't that mean I'm a hateful and unloving person? Especially if I felt that way towards somebody I loved?
Not exactly.
See, it's the repression or suppression of those "bad" thoughts which cause us to act them out in subtle and often unconscious ways. When we hate somebody, we might not even be aware that we want to hurt them because we've pushed it down so far to protect our "identity" of being a "good" person.
"By choosing not to allow parts of ourselves to exist, we are forced to expend huge amounts of psychic energy to keep them beneath the surface." – Debbie Ford
But here's the deal:
Every time we harshly criticize another...
Every time we talk bad about a person behind his or her back...
Every time we swat at or kill that damn fly which won't leave our food alone...
And every time we glare at somebody else with a cold, cutting stare...
That's our hateful, vengeful, annihilating side expressing itself in the world.
Every time we wish another person just didn't exist... that's our hateful side that we often aren't even aware of as hate because it feels just so cold, dense, and perhaps even non-existent.
If you doubt you have a hateful side (I sure doubted I had one before this weekend!), then perhaps try thinking about the times somebody close to you -especially loved ones- hurt you, or think about atrocities like war, rape, politics, and other immoral unethical and downright inconceivable human acts. Or maybe you've had somebody close to you die, and you say you'll never forgive God... that perhaps you even hate God.
(those are just a few examples)
HERE'S THE THING...
In order to have a truly "open heart," we must be willing to -ACCEPT- into our heart, not only the things we love and cherish, but also the things that we hate. An "open heart" means we open to everything INCLUDING the things we don't like and don't want.
After all, how can we call it an "open heart" if we turn it away from anything... anything at all?
Open is a state of inclusion.
When we are not "open," then these negative, hateful feelings get stuck and stagnant like a cesspool in our souls. That's why we act out in those ways I described. And when we do that, we're not living consciously, aware, joyously, compassionately, or even in the present moment.
The thing is...
When we learn how to include and accept both our hateful, angry, vengeful side ~ along with our loving side ~ what we do is give ourselves the freedom to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are, warts and all... without the expectation of how we "should" be. We allow our true inherent good to stop the self-judgment and self-criticism... and transform that darkness into our greatest strength and ally in this world.
Here's why...
When we enter this state of inclusion and acceptance, the result is that we INTEGRATE the two sides of us. Rather than having our anger, frustration, or hatred contaminate our love and compassion in the world, we actually go deeper into the aspects of ourselves we love the most. We become MORE of who we truly are simply by accepting ALL of who we are.
This is because the energy doesn't get "stuck," and instead gets naturally released through our inherent abilities that we're all born with.
So next time you feel like cutting somebody down, giving them a "death stare," talking behind their back, or wishing a certain politician or company just didn't exist... instead of acting or speaking, take a few minutes to RECOGNIZE what you're feeling, then ACCEPT what you're feeling, and finally make a conscious choice not to act that into the world.
Instead, visualize that hateful energy dissolving through your feet and into the Earth where it can be grounded and released in a natural, safe, supportive, and authentic way.
Just because you have a dark side doesn't mean you have to act it out (not even in little ways). Just because you have dark thoughts doesn't make you a bad person. It's your CHOICE what you do with these two sides of yourself.
My hope is that you will choose to accept and love ALL of who you are.
My wish is that you will embrace ALL of your emotions... happy and sad, good and bad... loving and unloving.
And my wish is that you will choose to bring presence and awareness to the darkest parts of your soul so that you can release them into the light.
These are also my wishes for myself.
"We have buried as much of our light as we have of our darkness." – Debbie Ford
Once we all pull out our darkness and learn to love it, then we will also truly understand the phenomenal nature of our inherent greatness.
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