Six Interventions To Rescue Your Relationship

1: Let go of your expectations

That relationship you think you ought to be having isn't real. Resist the urge to compare and despair. Ask yourself if you didn't have an idea that things should be different, how would it change how you feel right now?

2: Be present

How much of the "problem" is to do with either things that happened in the past or your fears about what might happen in the future? See that living, breathing person in front of you? The one that is actually here, right now? Give them some attention. Not just some in fact, give them one hundred percent of your undivided attention. Really look at them - with eye contact!

3: Be honest

With yourself and with your beloved. Radical Honesty is the key. Give up the denial and stop trying to manipulate the situation. The truth will set you free - but please remember to tell it kindly.

4: Listen

Tell them that you want to really listen and then shut up and do it. Bite your tongue if necessary. No interrupting. Give them the gift of being willing to hear whatever they want to say without repercussions. No responding, defending or justifying allowed.

5: Give what you'd like to receive

All the time. Especially when you are mad. That's the time to make the extra effort. It's easy to be loving when it's easy. The tough get loving when the loving gets tough.

Buy flowers when you are furious. Get out the lingerie when you least feel like wearing it. Offer a foot rub when you want to run away. You'll be amazed at the results.

6: Be vulnerable

Instead trying desperately to avoid the pain you think is coming, decide to face it and stay open in spite of it. Stop defending yourself, stop trying to get your point across and most importantly, stop trying to be right.

Each of these interventions can be very powerful by itself. Start to combine them and you have quite an impressive tool-kit to bring to the table. Maybe even more importantly is that, regardless of the outcome, practicing these techniques will help you feel better -- and feel better about yourself during the process.

Share this list with your beloved. Since what you are doing isn't working anyway, why not suggest something different? Above all, always remember that the only person actually under your control is you.